all women were bigger and stronger than you
and thought they were smarter
women were the ones who started wars
too many of your friends had been raped by women wielding giant dildos
and no K-Y Jelly
the state trooper
who pulled you over on the New Jersey Turnpike
was a woman
and carried a gun
the ability to menstruate
was the prerequisite for most high-paying jobs
your attractiveness to women depended
on the size of your penis
every time women saw you
they’d hoot and make jerking motions with their hands
women were always making jokes
about how ugly penises are
and how bad sperm tastes
you had to explain what’s wrong with your car
to big sweaty women with greasy hands
who stared at your crotch
in a garage where you are surrounded
by posters of naked men with hard-ons
men’s magazines featured cover photos
of 14-year-old boys
tucked into the front of their jeans
and articles like:
“How to tell if your wife is unfaithful”
“What your doctor won’t tell you about your prostate”
“The truth about impotence”
the doctor who examined your prostate
was a woman
and called you “Honey”
you had to inhale your boss’s stale cigar breath
as she insisted that sleeping with her
was part of the job
you couldn’t get away because
the company dress code required
you wear shoes
designed to keep you from running
And what if
after all that
women still wanted you
to love them.
For the Men Who Still Don’t Get It, written 20 years ago by Carol Diehl.
She wrote a post about the history of this poem that is worth reading.
As you may have noticed, LA is heating up for the summer. Shockingly, I’m wearing warm weather clothing as a result, and the constant, aggressive catcalls are really getting me down. I’ve gotten seven in the past four days, including one guy who thought it was cool to put his hands on me. The worst ones are the assholes in cars who I can’t even respond to before they’re gone. The dehumanization is really fucking me up, and seeing as I’m not going to start wearing parkas around town in this triple digit heat, I need to figure out how to cope with these kinds of encounters. Do you have any advice?
I’ve replied to similar questions in the past with simply, “Shoot them in the face,” and while that answer is deeply gratifying to fantasize about, it doesn’t actually do anyone any good.
So, in the spirit of doing something deeply gratifying, I want you all to start recording these assholes. The next time some misogynistic fuckwit starts catcalling, whip out your camera phone and snap his fucking picture.
If I get enough submissions, I’ll start regularly publishing them, and through a delicious blend of social media and karmic retribution, we can take the power away from street harassers by openly shaming them on the internet.
1:Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? 2:Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? 3:Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? 4:Have you ever stolen a street sign before? 5:Do you like to use post-it notes? 6:Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? 7:Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? 8:Do you have freckles? 9:Do you always smile for pictures? 10:What is your biggest pet peeve? 11:Do you ever count your steps when you walk? 12:Have you ever peed in the woods? 13:What about pooped in the woods? 14:Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing? 15:Do you chew your pens and pencils? 16:How many people have you slept with this week? 17:What size is your bed? 18:What is your Song of the week? 19:Is it okay for guys to wear pink? 20:Do you still watch cartoons? 21:Whats your least favorite movie? 22:Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? 23:If you’re a girl, bra size? If you’re a guy, pants size? 24:What do you dip a chicken nugget in? 25:What is your favorite food? 26:What movies could you watch over and over and still love? 27:Last person you kissed/kissed you? 28:Were you ever a boy/girl scout? 29:Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? 30:When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? 31:Can you change the oil on a car? 32:Ever gotten a speeding ticket? 33:Ever ran out of gas? 34:Favorite kind of sandwich? 35:Best thing to eat for breakfast? 36:What is your usual bedtime? 37:Are you lazy? 38:When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? 39:What is your Chinese astrological sign? 40:Are you horny? 41:Do you have any magazine subscriptions? 42:Which are better legos or lincoln logs? 43:Are you stubborn? 44:Who is better…Leno or Letterman? 45:Ever watch soap operas? 46:Are you afraid of heights? 47:Do you sing in the car? 48:Do you sing in the shower? 49:Do you dance in the car? 50:Ever used a gun? 51:Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? 52:Do you think musicals are cheesy? 53:Is Christmas stressful? 54:Ever eat a pierogi? 55:Favorite type of fruit pie? 56:Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? 57:Do you believe in ghosts? 58:Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? 59:Take a vitamin daily? 60:Wear slippers? 61:Wear a bath robe? 62:What do you wear to bed? 63:First concert? 64:Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? 65:Nike or Adidas? 66:Cheetos Or Fritos? 67:Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? 68:Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? 69:Ever take dance lessons? 70:Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? 71:Can you curl your tongue? 72:Ever won a spelling bee? 73:Have you ever cried because you were so happy? 74:Own any record albums? 75:Own a record player? 76:Regularly burn incense? 77:Ever been in love? 78:Who would you like to see in concert? 79:What was the last concert you saw? 80:Hot tea or cold tea? 81:Tea or coffee? 82:Sugar or snickerdoodles? 83:Can you swim well? 84:Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? 85:Are you patient? 86:DJ or band, at a wedding? 87:Ever won a contest? 88:Ever have plastic surgery? 89:Which are better black or green olives? 90:Can you knit or crochet? 91:Best room for a fireplace? 92:Do you want to get married? 93:If married, how long have you been married? 94:Who was your HS crush? 95:Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? 96:Do you have kids? 97:Do you want kids? 98:Whats your favorite color? 99:Do you miss anyone right now?